a rough go at it today.

i had a rough go at it today. and i said that out loud to a number of people in an attempt to make it a better go at today. sometimes i just have to deal with my issues and have a rough day. sometimes i just have to suck it up and move on. sometimes i just need to get my life together and stop worrying about how hard or easy the day was or is. 

either way, i'm working through some tough things in my heart today. these things always happen in such a timely manner, seeing that i just got home from camp yesterday and i had club tonight and will have club again wednesday night. busy week. go figure i would be up at 1:30 in the morning writing a blog about how today was hard. go figure. 

the tough things come from the same place in my heart that i had to deal with this or very similar issues for the past 12ish years of my life.  Oh man. Lots of old baggage that could be dug up and reevaluated. but tonight, after everyone has left. I realize that rehashing stuff that has been dealt with will only develop deeper wounds. I will only deal with the issues at hand and stop giving ground to and issue that isn't "my one thing" 

The Lord has constantly proven himself faithful to me, never leaving me the same today as I was yesterday. When life is easy and when life is hard. On days that are sweet nectar and days that are seriously a rough go. When I stop and think about the Lord I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like to not lift up my head in praise of the One who loves me and has called me by name, with purpose and destiny. 

I shall rest my head with assurance tonight. Assurance that my soul is being transformed daily by a God who longs for my deepest fears to be met by him with anticipation and assurance of glory being drawn to the maker of such a fragile heart. 

People have encouraged me. 

Flowers from one who loves me have lifted my spirit.

Chats about truth have punched the lies right in the face. 

My "one thing" will be conquered. not by my own strength. 

so good. so good.

it was wonderful.
it was hard.
we talked about Jesus.
some may have never done that before.
we had so much fun together.
we laughed.
we sang.
we ate.
we listened.
we laughed.

God had His way.
Even when it was tough.
Even when coversations seemed surface.
Even when I didn't get it.

Jesus met us.
Even when we were cold and wet.
Even when words didn't come.
Even when we were alone.

The Holy Spririt came.
lives were transformed.
we might not see it today.
seeds were planted.

Please send water!

i'm so pumped.

at the beginning of the week we were without girls. no friends to take to camp. i was so bummed.

at the end of the week. i'm packed. i've got rides lined up. money is coming in. parents have been talked too. forms are handed out. our friends are getting excited. I AM SO PUMPED!

i need to get a good night sleep tonight. i need to go to work in the morning and get stuff done. i need to pick people up and be ready to leave at our determined departure time. 

there are still things left to do. but nothing more important than the words i shall whisper to my Savior as i doze off to sleep tonight. words of praise and thanksgiving for sending us the teenagers (or tweenagers). words of anticipation of what is to come. petitions of preparation.  

join me friends. whisper to the Savior on our behalf this weekend. pray that students can finally know who they are. pray that truth will resound deep in their souls. pray that the God of the universe would have his way this weekend.

Have your way God. Meet us Jesus. Come Holy Spirit come!

::

myria.angel.megan.amanda.jhamee.myisha.emily.hannah.kandice.

joe.grant.cole.polly.ozzie.garrett.curtice.reese.ryan.byron.

you are generous...

A lot of my life I have enjoyed the benefits of generous people. With their money. With their time. With their lives. So many generous people. So many beautiful examples to watch and delight in and really benefit from. 

For a few months now, I've been asking God to make me more generous. He's doing it. He's making my heart delight in being open to sharing my life and my things and myself. It's stinkin' awesome. I really love it! 

(I hope that last paragraph doesn't sound cocky. I don't want to sound that way)

I am mostly saying these things because as I journey toward being more generous I am noticing every single day how the people around me are so giving and unselfish and loving and bounteous. Thank you. Thank you for giving so big. Thanks for living so big. Thanks for loving me and the people and things that I love! 

You bless me. You are generous... I wanna be like you!

I wanna go to camp....

So Redding Young Life is interesting. It is interesting in the sense that we're trying but sometimes it just doesn't look like much is happening with all of the trying that is going on. This coming weekend is Junior High Winter Camp at Woodleaf. In reality ALL I want to do this weekend is link arms with Hannah and take some girls to camp. In all of our trying, we find ourselves at a very difficult spot. Girls wanna come, all the girls we know, wanna come but it just so happens that Young Life camp is not cheap. It's actually REALLY expensive for the girls that I've been sharing life with. 

I sometimes think I should concentrate harder at the other middle school where girls I know could ask their parents for $100 bucks and never look back. I think about how convenient it would be if I could call a girl up and say I need your money tomorrow, can you come? But, truth is convenience has never really been a part of my Young Life journey here in Redding, why start now? How could I even imagine not figuring something out so that these girls can go to camp. 

I was praying this afternoon. Mostly selfish prayers of really wanting to go to camp myself. It's been too long and I really want to go and be a part of the life changing work that God is doing around these parts. I began to think selfishly and pondered... I'll pay for them to go. I've got some money coming in. All I want to do is go to camp. I'll pay. So I called/texted some girls and said...Hey lets go to camp. Even if you don't have any money! 

It was really fun to say!

I talked to some parents and from the sounds of it at around 7pm...I'm taking some girls to camp this weekend!!! :) Yippie!! But that isn't even the coolest part of the story. I called Lily and told her my idea about paying for a girl to come and she said she would too. That makes two girls going to camp! Then I came into the house and told Mandy and Hannah about the plan and they both got pumped up and Mandy said...I'll pay for half a girl to go to camp! I said HECK YES! Then Hannah called her parents and they said... we'll pay for three girls to go to camp! Then I called my brother and he said... I'll pay for Mandy's other half!!!!!!! Then I called/texted a few other people and I'm at this point still waiting for their responses, but even without them...

WE'RE TAKING GIRLS TO CAMP!!!

We called the girls  and talked about going to camp without the deathly fear of asking their parents for money. With that opportunity came freedom! There came an urgency to get to camp. And they don't have any idea what's in store for them. They have no idea what God has p His sleeve for my friends this weekend. I thought my prayers and thoughts were selfish. But as I think more about my "selfish prayers" I note, the God of the Universe listens to the beating of my heart. He knows that I long for my junior high friends to know that He listens to the beating of their hearts and the longings of our prayers! 

I think this story is proof. Proof that God himself is shining His face on my beautiful girls (and me:)) And we don't even know what He has in store for us this weekend!!! :) I'm sooooooooooo excited!!! 

i like plans...

I've had/have...more had than have... a crush on a boy for a few months now. At the peak of this crush I was learning a lot about myself as I just kept thinking about how great it would be to share my life with this guy. While I know you are all hoping to hear more details about this silly little crush I don't think this is the point of this blog. Actually I know...the point is.

I have decided that I love plans. I love to think about what the future holds and making plans to get to those dreams. I like to think about daily plans and weekly plans and monthly plans and big long term plans. Ideas and uncertainties are okay with me. I don't NEED plans to always go my way, in fact most of the time things don't go the way I intend them too, but it does not make me any less sure that plans are very needed. 

The big problem today is, I've been bored outside of my mind. I've been sick for 4 days. Like lay in your bed and don't move or eat or drink or play kind of sick. I watched a million movies and now that I'm feeling better all I wanted was to do something fun today. Unfortunately that was not in the "plans!!" shooooooot. I am not spontaneous. I try to be, but in reality it takes me so much time to just do fun things. I am spontaneous, but not today! Today I dwell on my longing for plans. 

I still have/had...more had than have... a crush on a boy. He's spontaneous. That's driving my brain nuts today! I'm going to go get out of my house! That's a good plan!

clinging....

Today was so great. Last weekend was so great. I think that as I debrief the things that were so great I am beginning again to realize, that my Savior is quite fond of me. I've been on a journey. In some senses it has been a long journey, but for today I'm going to think about the short journey I currently find myself in the middle of. 

The goings on in my life and in my mind are far too amazing to be called coincidence. The term coincidence doesn't give credit to the Master Hand that is behind the goings on in both my physical and spiritual life. I cannot count the times in the last few weeks that I've thought in my mind or said out loud, "God is so good to me!" "God is clearly in this!" "I'm pretty loved!" 

Something that I've believed for a long time is that, sometimes you have to go through life seasons that are difficult and the joy found in being able to say any of those last few statements is deep and profound because they come from a place of clinging to the Savior.  I still believe this, but what is new in my heart and mind is that sometimes you go through seasons of life that are not difficult, seasons that are fun and interesting and sweet and the joy found in being able to make any of the above mentioned statements is deep and profound because they come from a place of clinging to the Savior. 

Today in the middle of easy, fun, happy moments; I've found myself experiencing joy so deep that it feels like God is sitting right next to me. Giggling at the things I giggle at. Getting teary at the things that get me teary. Rubbing away chills that we both get when "coincidences" happen. 

I try to come up with words that make sense of this fondness that the Lord is showing me he has for me. I try to tell stories of how fun it is to find yourself in the tender gaze of your maker. I try to dive into the deep places of my heart and put words to the to the feelings of knowing with all that I am that God-the triune God- is fond of me. He is partial to, addicted to, enthusiastic about, passionate about; attached to, enamored with, in love with, having a soft spot for; hooked on, sweet on, struck on... me!

I have stories. I'll try to articulate them for you (whoever reads this).  But what I really want you to know is that; these stories (coming up), these "coincidences" are not happening by chance. I think they are happening because: I've found myself experiencing joy so deep and profound in a place where I am clinging to my Savior.